Feelings

The sadness that hits me is debilitating. My breathing is labored and my thoughts race. My stomach begins to ache and my tears want to fall. They don’t fall. I’ve trained myself over the years to no longer let them fall. I’m tired now. So tired. I’m defeated and exhausted. When I think about all the years that I’ve spent here it just makes me seem hopeless and less of a person than I truly am. I no longer find joy in things I once did. Nothing has meaning. I just exist from day to day. People say change it. How? I need a step by step guide. Tell me. Oh but they don’t know. They can’t tell me how. They have never been here in this dark lonely place. They can only judge and give advice from afar. I don’t need you to tell me what I already know.